Frequently asked questions

A high conflict divorce is characterized by prolonged, entrenched bitterness; repeated court appearances; verbal aggression or threats; refusal to compromise on anything; and the use of children, money, or the legal system as weapons. It is distinguished from normal divorce conflict by its escalating, total, and unresolvable nature focused on punishment rather than resolution.

Mental health divorce research is clear: divorced individuals experience depression at rates two to nine times higher than the general population. Common effects include anxiety, sleep disruption, grief, social withdrawal, and stress-related physical symptoms. Research found that with the necessary support seventy-nine percent of people cope well.

Children in high conflict divorces are nearly twice as likely to experience anxiety and depression, with higher rates of behavioural problems, academic difficulties, and long-term relationship challenges. However, the critical research finding is that children are harmed more by ongoing parental conflict than by divorce itself. When parents separate out of high-conflict marriages and arrive at a stable custody arrangement with reduced conflict, children's outcomes often improve.

Emotional abuse is a pattern of behaviour that systematically undermines a person's sense of reality, confidence, and autonomy. During separation it commonly includes gaslighting, financial control, isolation from support, threats, surveillance, and legal harassment. Coercive control is recognized as a form of family violence under the federal Divorce Act.

Not everyone does, but most people benefit. Therapy during divorce measurably reduces the risk of developing lasting depression or other mental health disorders. The threshold for seeking it isn't hitting rock bottom. It's recognizing that this is hard and that having professional support would help. Employee assistance programs, community mental health centres, and sliding-scale therapists make it more accessible than many people assume.

Yes, in many cases it can. In cases involving intimate partner violence, research on shuttle mediation (parties in separate rooms, mediator facilitating) found that participants felt safer and more satisfied than those who went through litigation, and were more likely to reach agreement. High conflict makes mediation more difficult, not automatically impossible. A mediator trained in domestic violence and power dynamics can assess what is appropriate.

Limit all communication to a single, documented channel, usually either email or a co-parenting app. Respond only to logistics, not to provocations. Use the BIFF method: Brief, Informative, Firm, Friendly. Don't justify, argue, defend, or explain decisions unnecessarily. Document harassment in case it escalates. Consult your family lawyer about options including filtering all communication through counsel, if boundaries are not being respected.

In high-conflict relationships, no. Justice Canada research found that children whose parents divorced from high conflict marriages had lower anxiety and depression. Child custody arrangements in lower-conflict post-separation homes consistently produce better outcomes than a high-conflict intact household. It is parental conflict, not the divorce itself, that most harms children. In low-conflict marriages, the picture is more nuanced. But staying in a high-conflict relationship "for the kids" protects no one.

For suicide or mental health crisis: call or text 9-8-8 (24/7). 

For family violence: 

• 9-1-1 in immediate danger;
• Assaulted Women's Helpline 1-866-863-0511 (Ontario);
• Talk4Healing for Indigenous women 1-855-554-4325;
• Seniors Safety Line 1-866-299-1011. 

For general mental health: 

• Canada Suicide Prevention Service 1-833-456-4566.
• CAMH Access: 416-535-8501.
• Provincial crisis lines are listed through the Public Health Agency of Canada.